Why am I so Jealous?
Cute things you do that I like you do with other guys
Why are my arms not the only ones you bite
Am I as special as you make me feel
Is this shit real the look in your eyes
Are you playing me girl tell no lies
Did I fall too hard did I romanticise
Will you tell me one day that we can’t be together, but you tried
(Chorus)
Why am I so jealous
I don’t want to live like this
Like one of your fellas
Do you love me
Please just tell us
Why am I so jealous?
Cut ties with other chicks no flirting
Felt like the man now I’m just hurting
Stopped playing the field closed the curtains
I was ready to give you my all, man I was so certain
Am I overreacting, did I go too far
Please tell me now before I get too scarred
(Chorus)
You said your heart belonged to me, gave life to mine, ascension
Now it seems your heart just belongs to whoever gives you the most attention
When my back’s turned, will you love me the same
When I’m not looking, is it just a game
Do you really want ME, or just a picture to frame
Tell me I’m crazy, tell me I’m foolish
Just need to know, because I don’t want to do this (like this)
Don’t want our love to fade
You drift away, leave me to reminisce
All the memories made
Your touch, your lips
Rip my heart out my chest all’s left is hate
(Chorus)
Fool around with other guys to see if I’m the one
It’s okay just don’t be long
My heart is big but it’s not that strong
(Chorus)
Why am I so jealous
Why am I so jealous
Why am I, why am I, why am I so jealous
Jealousy. That big, green, ugly, festering turd of an emotion. I think we’ve all been there. We meet someone, we begin to fall in love. Maybe we’re exclusive, maybe we’re not. We see our newfound love having the audacity to enjoy another human?! Funny are they? Maybe you should go and marry them!!
In my younger years jealousy was a common theme. For me, I think this jealousy was rooted in a deep fear of abandonment. I won’t bore you with the finer details of said fear but you get the idea. It took me a few tries to really see the error in my ways. My mentality now and for a while has been simply to let things be. Naturally I’m an anxious over-thinker and when you add intense jealousy to the mix, that is one toxic solution that has no business in your brain, or in relationships.
That’s not to say that there is no place for any jealousy between two loved up little eggs, and I for one still dabble in green from time to time. A sprinkle of jealousy I think is normal and healthy to some degree, and in some cases can protect you from being taken advantage of. Trusting too much and too willingly is arguably just as bad as trusting very little. And yes perhaps this is still rooted in abandonment issues, but hey, nobody is perfect. All we can do is try and be better every day.
One thing that has helped me improve over the years is: communication. It’s not always the jealousy or insecurity itself that destroys a relationship, it’s the lack of communication and therefore the lack of understanding of each other’s behaviours and thoughts. Without it the ideas spiral in our minds and become grotesque characatures, moulding and rotting from the inside and eventually decaying our relationships on the outside. Communicate your insecurities and they will likely melt away over time.
“Why am I so Jealous?” was conceived whilst walking around a Tesco superstore in Northampton, in about 10-15 minutes. I would say most of my material, although I do go back sometimes to edit or change or add, is created in this way: a flurry of emotion whether it be rage and pain or love and joy. The lyrics pour out of me unashamedly. These torrential outpours I visualise as a tiny creature in my head furiously scribbling away with an elaborate quill on an infinite scroll, and I dutifully record these words as they appear. It’s almost as if it’s not me writing at all: I am but a mere passenger, a vessel being used by another dimension to communicate with this world. If that is the case I have a message for the inter-dimensional beings: give me one hit. One Vanilla Ice, is that too much to ask for?
I did use some artistic licence in this particular song: a burst of pure negative energy and I ran with it. The momentary pain was very real but after getting it out it didn’t last long. My partner and I had a good laugh about it at the time. The overall concept I would describe as a self-discovery and questioning of my own insecurities, and the transition into a more relaxed outlook. What was left following this waterfall of words was, probably for the first time ever, an admiration for the song itself. The chorus was catchy, and the direction my lyrics were going in verse-wise felt more rap/hip-hop orientated than pop, which was a welcome ingredient.
So guys, don’t get too jealous out there. And if you do, don’t let it fester: communicate. You’re not the only man on the planet that thinks your lady is the most beautiful angel they’ve ever seen. And ladies: try not to make him too jealous.
Songs, Sonnets, and the Reveries of a Reject 