#3 I T I L Y

I T I L Y

I think I love you
So much, I don’t know what to do
So much, I don’t know what to say
When you’re around
When we’re, occupying the same ground
It’s so hard to reach out
Hard to speak out
I think I love you

How can I tell if you’re the one for me?
I can barely move when you’re close, let alone speak
My heart beats fast, feel like a wreck
Never felt like this, this internal unrest
Is this just lust, or have I completed the quest?
If this is love, why is it so tough, why does it feel like a test?

I think I love you
So much, I don’t know what to do
So much, I don’t know what to say
When you’re around
When we’re, occupying the same ground
It’s so hard to reach out
Hard to speak out
I think I love you

What if I fall on my face when I open my mouth?
Instead of making you laugh, I make you retreat
Your smile fades and you furrow your brow
I ask you to dance, and I step on your feet
What if I jump in the water to save you, but it's me that drowns?

I think I love you
So much, I don’t know what to do
So much, I don’t know what to say
When you’re around
When we’re, occupying the same ground
It’s so hard to reach out
Hard to speak out
I think I love you

My anxious mind only starts to subside
When I catch another glimpse of you passing by
I guess I'll never know how we might be
If I can't find the courage to utter the words
So I'll swallow my fear and I'll dig deep
Tell you how I feel, even if it hurts
 
I think I love you
So much, I don’t know what to do
So much, I don’t know what to say
When you’re around
When we’re, occupying the same ground
It’s so hard to reach out
Hard to speak out
I think I love you

I T I L Y is one of the first songs I ever wrote. I’d tried to write when I was younger, but I think a mixture of negative external influences, crippling self-esteem and anxiety issues, and a distinct lack of belief in exploring my creativity, shackled me to the occasional spontaneous verbal outburst, walking home from school.

I also never really surrounded myself with like-minded people, having found making friends (especially those who I was expected to show my skills to) very challenging. When I was around such people, I shared very little of myself.

I would like to say I’ve cracked this aspect of life, but like many endeavours, it’s a work in progress.

After spending at least 5 years or so from around the age of 25, single and resigned to never finding love, I had to learn first how to be happy and content on my own. In solitude, our demons tend to rear their ugly heads with a piercingly concentrated vigour.

It wasn’t easy. Some battles rage on and will do so for as long as I live, however, searching for answers within eventually gave me the freedom to explore what I wanted out of life. Writing songs became a prominent facet of this exploration.

When I met my now partner, her presence unlocked the final door inside my mind. The door stood ajar, but the spoils inside still seemed so far.

She was the fuse to my fire: the muse I needed to push me over the edge of intention and into the infinite chasm of creation. Her continued love, support, and encouragement help to stoke the fire of passion within me.

I intend to keep that fire burning forevermore.